I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
