Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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