yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize