So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
