Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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