Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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