there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize