You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
