Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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