Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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