You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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