ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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