apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
