she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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