I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
