I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
