evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
