i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
