i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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