i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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