I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
