fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
