Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
