I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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