My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you never un-have a 4some
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
