I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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