I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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