You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
