Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
