Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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