It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
