I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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