why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
