:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
