he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
