just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize