i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize