There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
