I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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