I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
