no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
