I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
