It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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