this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
