I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
