Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
tell me about the fingering
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
