I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
