We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
