you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
