Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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