when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We are all done wearing pants today
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
