So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
