I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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