He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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