You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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