can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
