He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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