I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
