I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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