You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
