he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
