I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
