u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
