I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
