I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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