Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
