I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
