I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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