Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
