Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
