Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
