In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
