Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
