at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
